Tales of the Parodyverse

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L!
Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 06:59:31 pm EDT
Subject
Drinking Games with Lee & Carl!
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It's early one sunday morning & not many of the Legionaries are up. Mostly because most of them went out drinking & are still hung over. Lee Bookman, one of the few members who didn't go out drinking, was standing at one of the upper floors of the mansion's many windows. He was looking out over Parodipolis Sound towards the vast metropolis of the sound's namesake.

He took a sip of his nonalcoholic beverage. Then, a device in his pocket starts to go off. He takes the device out to look at it. The device is linked to the motion sensors of the mansion. Someone is coming this way, Lee being the socially inept person he is decides to leave his post to retreat to his safe haven, the File Room. Lee heads down the stairs to the basement just as the person heading down the hallway is about at that window. CrazySugarFreakBoy could have sworn that he heard someone there.

Lee takes a shortcut to the file room & is happy. There is files to be filed away. He has WeirdSciCon pamphlets to sort through & various other things that will demand his time. Lee sits down at his surplus desk, the chair squeaks as he sits down & turns slightly in it.

--------

Time goes by & Lee is immersed in information. Then, Lee hears a gruff male say. "Hey, Bookworm!"

Lee moves a few piles of books & papers out of the way so he has clear view of the person he's talking too. They are standing in the doorway. "Yes, Mr. Bastion. What can I do for you?"

"You should have gone out with us last night, you could have got laid!"

"Did you?" Lee asks.

"No. But, I got a few phone numbers & I think a few off them are their actual numbers this time."

"That's nice. I doubt you just came down here to tell of your sexual exploits, if I wanted those I'd talk to Flapjack."

"Your into that sort of kinky stuff?" Trickshot said as looked at Lee suggestively. He was always looking for dirt on anyone that he could use at a later date.

"No, but at least Flapjack has had sex or has some video tape of sex being preformed. In the time I've known you, you have not had sex once that you have not paid for."

"Hey!" Trickshot yelled, he was seriously resisting the urge to shoot one of his exploding arrows at Lee.

"I'm only relating what I've heard."

"Who's been spreading lies about me?"

"I think may be you. Or, at least you when your drunk. I hear that after the fifth can of your preferred alcoholic beverage who spill the beans."

"I can hold my beer!" Trickshot said.

"Yes. You can hold it but when you ingest it, that's the problem."

Lee's calm & cool demeanor is really making Trickshot mad.

"Yeah, but I bet you loose it on the first sip!" Trickshot shot back.

"No, I can hold it quiet well. The last alcoholic beverage I had has a sort of funny story around it. I was in a small bar somewhere near Uranus."

Trickshot let out a laugh at the mention of the planet's name.

"Grow up, Mr. Bastion. I was in the bar hoping to get a few overdue books back & was told that I couldn't have the books unless I beat the owner of them in a drinking game. I don't normally drink, but I needed those books back, so I agreed to play. If I remember correctly it is similar to the Earth drinking game of Quarters. Have you ever played that, Mr. Bastion?"

"Yeah. In fact I'm a Quarters Drinking Champion!" Trickshot said full of himself.

"How nice for you. I had to down at least 78 shots of some strange drink until the creature finally fell off it's stool. That meant I won & I took the books back."

"When was this?"

"I think it was last week."

"Ok. If your so great at drinking games. Let's play one right now!" Trickshot said. He then went & got 2 shot glasses. Then, a bottle from Mumph's private stash, it was 80 proof alcohol. He got back to the file room, Trickshot pushed all the papers & books off Lee's desk and on the floor.

"Ok! Here's the game's rules: First one to fall off there chair loses!" Trickshot said as he pulled a chair up to the desk.

"Ok. Will we be needing quarters for this?"

"No."

"Is there a prize?"

"Sure. I'll bet 2 of my best arrows. What'll you bet, bookworm?"

Lee thought for a moment.

"What you don't have anything?" Trickshot heckled.

"I'm thinking."

"That's all you ever do!" Trickshot said as he poured the first shot.

"All right. If I lose you get this." Lee said & showed Trickshot a plastic card Lee had gotten out of his wallet.

"What is it?"

"It's an all access pass to anything you want to look at the Moon Public Library!"

"What? I'm offer my 2 best arrows & your offering a library card!"

"Yes. This card will get you into the off limits areas of the library. Knowing your tastes in litterature, this let's you look at all the space porn you want!"

The mention of Porn got Trickshot interested "What type of space porn?"

"Ever see a women with 3 breasts?" Lee asked.

"No." Trickshot said. He'd seen a lot of breasts, but never 3 on the same person.

"Well, you could if you win this card."

"All right! Let's do this!" Trickshot said, excited at the prospect of seeing Alien Breasts!

"ok. Who goes first?" Lee asked.

"You can." Trickshot said as he pushed at shot glass full of liquid towards Lee.

Lee picks it up & downs the shot in one gulp. "Ah! Quite refreshing."

Then, Trickshot picks up his shot glass & takes a sip. Then, starts to cough.

"To strong for you?" Lee asks.

"No." Trickshot says & downs the whole thing. After he swallowed it, the coughing continued.

Lee pours himself another shot & drinks it. Trickshot pours himself another, he drinks it & this time there was less coughing. The drinking contest went on for awhile. For some reason, Lee didn't seem to get drunk but with Trickshot it was evident that he was!

By the 10th shot, Lee was having to help Trickshot get the shot glass to mouth. He also had to help pouring it into his mouth. By 15th shot, Trickshot past out & fall off his chair.

Lee picked up the Library card, put it back into his wallet. Then, picked up the arrows & placed them next the desk. He got up out of his chair, started to pick up the files that not scattered the floor. As he did this, he made his way over to the drunken archer who was now drooling on a few memos about the behavior a Lair Legionnaire show have. Being drunk was not one of them.

"Mr. Bastion!" Lee said. This woke up Trickshot partially.

"Get up!" Lee said & Trickshot did. He wobbly stood up.

Lee dusted Trickshot off & then Lee said. "The reason I don't go out with you isn't because I can't hold my liquor, It's just that I don't like drunks!"

Trickshot nodded his head & Lee helped Mr. Bastion over to his chair. Then, Lee called for Flapjack to Mr. Bastion back to his room where he could sleep off the liquor. When asked why he couldn't do it? Lee replied that he has filing to do.

The End!



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